THE TIPPING POINT (BETWEEN BEING AUTISTIC AND NORMAL) HAS ARRIVED!
After years of "crawling out of a hole", I am ready to see myself as normal, at least the majority of the time, and that picture was my first heads up that I've reached some critical passage point.
After months of intermittent but still relentless focus on the aesthetic side of my - my appearance - I'm starting to see myself how I wanted be be in the past, but I always used to see something - that thing - that was wrong with me in the mirror. I've been developing my taste in jewelry (all "fashion" jewelry - the real stuff is to expensive and frankly kind of monotonous), dresses, athletic and casual Tshirts, dress shoes, skorts, skirts, my hair color/style/conditioning, nail polish color preference, eyebrow shaping (I do it myself with this tiny manual razor I get online). I embrace channeling the spirit of Joan Rivers in my life, since I'm committed to making people happier and giving them stuff to enjoy and laugh about, but getting closer to being a fierce personal stylist to myself. Sure make up is still on deck, and my tops are still a little lacking, but I've gone from feeling lost to frankly mastering and even now mixing and matching different brands of jewelry to get sets (and clothes to a lesser extent) that weren't made to go together, together spectacularly well. Now ALL my jewelry has sets and I have those "trophy wives" necklaces and clothes.
Autistic She Ain't!! Just a casual picture at bedtime yesterday with no prep.
There are 4 garbage bags full of Tshirts, dresses, shirts, shoes, jewelry, etc in my hallway right now awaiting going to Good Will for anything they don't want to pay me for at Plato's Closet. What's great is those shirts or dresses, jewelry or whatever I am on the fence about I usually just make myself start wearing and using it and ask myself,
- "How does this feel?" / "Do I feel GREAT in it?"
- "How does this look?" / "Do I look GREAT in it?"
- "What am I saying by wearing this?"/"What is 'it' - the thing I'm wearing - saying about me?"
If I don't hear I look great and sexy, it's OUT! Color, shape, harmony, etc - I hear answers now, and don't feel lost most of the time, even if I have to wear it longer to get that answer from inside of me. I also enjoy shortcutting to ask my various Son-Rise autism therapy team members, esp. those who have expressed taste in dressing or an artistic eye, and usually hear echoes of what I'm hearing inside myself, which helps confirm and grow my taste guidance for myself.
Long stories short, when I snapped a shot in the mirror because I was really liking my new gold James Bond /futuristic looking nail polish and my new hair cut - albeit at the end of the day a bit messy - just before bed, I saw a fully normal person looking back at me for the first time. Let me just say that again: I finally looked normal to my own eye without "that thing" that was wrong showing even a little. Sure it was a lot of work to express and choose my way to a normal look, it wasn't just I stopped feeling different and then "poof" I look normal, it was a process of self-expression. Sure it shows a lot of skin, but they show more on the cover of most magazines and on TV anyway, so I thought I'd just show it, because it's an important moment. The important thing is that girls with Asperger's who have never embraced the aesthetic are not doomed to live that way forever, I've proven that!
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Also I finally filed for my trademark for my business name "Power of Clarity", for which I own the .com, PowerOfClarity.com, and now can reveal it to people. Who couldn't use more clarity, whether they are depressed and lying in bed all day or head of Apple Computer? That's the point, it's like everyone can use it. I'm going to go ahead and create the company as a Nevada LLC for legal reasons, and by the end of the year hopefully be able to start getting other mentors to be part of my virtual call center I'm creating for the dialogue discussions I used to get this far, thanks to the awesome staff and founders of The Option Institute.
This was no small feat, as I did it all myself, and needed to pull language from a multitude of business descriptions the trademark attorneys use to describe businesses, none of which actually describes this new industry, which bears similarities to counseling, coaching, teaching, entertainment, etc. but is really a hybrid - it's all of these and none of these, since it's all about the entertaining but sometimes challenging process of self-discovery from a coach who believes you have your own answers and absolutely refuses to give you anything but love, trust and questions to help you get there. Unlike counseling which is regulated, we're an applied philosophy, which is not, but like neither we give no advice. It was challenging but I did awesome to fit the way trademark people describe and categorize things, and have to put it all in a single sentence with no punctuation other than commas, colons and semi-colons and periods (no bullet points, "a" "b" "c" etc possible).
Anyone who wants to do dialogues with me, I'm waiting on a couple super great toll-free 800#s to drop and then will publicize that number, but in the meantime I can be reached at [email protected] to set up sessions. I will retroactively post my number once I get my phone autoattendant set up which should be by the end of the week.
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THE GICHI GAMBA AND HERBALIFE FACTORS
I've also been on a fitness & weight loss kick to get ready for media exposure I want for my company - if you can't look healthy and attractive, people don't want to be like you or buy what you sell, in my opinion. I've lost pounds a number of times following dialogues but kept stopping at some point after my diets started working, but decided I need to lose in the area of 40-50 pounds and several dress sizes and keep it off to have the responses from people I want for my future, but wasn't finding a clear long-term solution.
Enter Gichi Gamba, a Hollywood actor I ran into in my building, who was prepping to get a leading role in a new movie, "Black Panther". He stays superfit using Herbalife and core fitness training, so I hooked up with a group of similar people and it's been so healthy and fun, and yes, I think I'm losing weight and getting healthier. Even if I'm not, it's just so much easier feeding myself by taking work out of two meals a day - they a just shakes that taste better than just about anything I've ever eaten, and only have around 200 calories. It is easy to do this system, and I have faith it's more orderly and will produce long-term results.
Having fun with people in my building who Gichi was staying with while training - the guy at the right is the kickboxing instructor we were training with just before this hang-out time. If this Herbalife stuff works, I'll be offering to sell it to you too. Whenever I think of the real food options I have, like buying french fries on the way home, or eating ice cream we have here for Anna, I just compare with the shakes and am like, this is WAY better tasting, WAY more satisfying, WAY easier to make and clean up after, and supports the future I want looking like I belong on TV. It's awesome!
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