Curing Autism Together

Anna uses the word "freedom" spontaneously & in a novel sentence, first time using and abstract noun

ANNA'S FIRST SIGNS OF UNDERSTANDING/ SPONTANEOUS USE OF AN ABSTRACT NOUN

The last few days of Chinese - and life too, actually - have been really challenging with Anna, where she struggles to learn basic things from language most people knew before school age, like what "this" or "that" are used for (ie, "this" is usually used for nearby stuff, "that is usually for stuff farther away), which was what happened yesterday.  She has trouble understanding what I'm saying and what we're learning at Chinese again because it's doing something she can't or doesn't do in English most of the time, now.  I get so frustrated having to explain to a 20 year old how to use "this" and "that" in a sentence, and there's difficulty even having her understand the teaching that we often have to so sideways into teaching other basics of language just for her to understand my current point - all stuff even a 5 or 6 year old would normally have no problem with.  It's so frustrating I wonder what I'm doing trying, like I am crazy to keep trying. 

 

But here are occasional signs that she's moving developmentally in language she's been using here and there, especially in the last several months since we've "hit a wall" on harder language in the chinese duolingo app.  We work on chinese every day and every day she learns something better about language in general, but we're so behind in terms of the parts of speech and clauses being underused or not used at all that it's easy to feel overwhelmed despite small signs of success creeping in lately.  It's not like when she was starting her recovery, where any improvement or change at all was huge, in part because we were imagining a change in the learning curve that could approach normal or even high functioning, whereas now at 20, little glimmers of progress after years of never spontaneously using prepositions, nor adverbs, nor adjectives, nor conjunctions, nor clauses that make sentences more complex.  It's so easy to feel hopeless or upset with myself for spending so much time trying.  

 

Anna shown here, helping me clean up.  I made a shape with her out of plastic packaging we were going to recycle/ toss, before-hand.  

 

But still, the occurrence of these changes need to be encouraged and focused on by me much like blowing on embers to ignite a flame, is how to speed and encouraged the "sticking" of the newly emerging skill.  There was at least one or a couple changes lately, but the one I just heard was exciting and hopeful a few minutes ago, so I had to write.  (I often write to create a timeline, what happens with her that is hopeful, without ever posting it publicly, because that takes more time than I have at the time when I was recording, but I thought I should post this because it's a big deal.)

 

Anyway, Anna said "I was organizing my christmas paper toys into a zip lock bag so they won't get wet and if I want to I could have the freedom to play with them".  Notice the abstract noun, "freedom", not something we talk about often, not something she has a reason to have rehearsed using.  She often talks about organizing, something I've included her in for many hours as I have cleaned and organized myself, including labeling, cleaning and boxes and folders, etc. but never using new language that I know of.  Since she "hit the wall" as a child learning all the nouns she could that she could see or draw, and unable to learn any "concepts", I've been wondering for years how and when she'd ever be able to learn a concept she couldn't point to in the physical world of nouns and verbs.  Well, how glorious and poetic that "freedom" was her first abstract, spontaneously used abstract noun!  I figured she's use these parts of speech more masterfully first, but getting abstract nouns is something I've been waiting for since she was failing to develop at a year old, worsening, so I've been waiting almost 2 decades for this.  I guess I'll take what I can get and glad this was one I didn't have to coach to directly, a severe rarity when working with autistic people.

Anna starts using adjectives spontaneously in the last 2 wks, perhaps DuoLingo Chinese is helping

Anna has started using adjectives spontaneously!  

 

WITH ME (HER MOM):

Anna's mom (me) was trying to show her something at the center island - preparing food, telling her what to do next, and she said:

Anna:  I don't need you're stupid instructions!"

 

WITH HER DAD

Her dad said, "It's been a while since I did the Snake impression," meaning imitating the Snake character in the Simpson's cartoon show.  

Anna: "Yeah, it's been a while".

Dad:  "Don't you miss it?"

Anna:  No not really, it got old."

 

We're so excited to hear the push-back adjectives, spontaneous in the moment!  She has been able to use adjectives is a rehearsed and prompted way, such as saying "it went bad" when food looks rotten and "Are you sick?" if I cough, but the those have been used dozens if not hundreds of times but us and her in certain wrote sentences.  But spontaneous sentences with descriptors you haven't heard 'a million' times just about never happen.  Thus why these sentences, despite their negative cast, jump out!

 

We've been learning Chinese on Duolingo (on day 236) and it's causing us to practice parts of speech and word order.  For example, in Chinese, the "when" is nearly always between the noun and verb of the subject phrase, whereas it's at the end of the sentence in English.  For example, "I am busy in the morning" (English phrasing) is "I in the morning am busy", in Chinese phrasing.  We've been sorting sentence building kits I bought years ago.  We are starting to learn more adjectives and use time words in DuoLIngo Chinese, something Anna hasn't done spontaneously, spontaneously.  She still only sometimes includes a "when word" and with using the right "when words", such as when I might ask when in response to a sentence lacking any time context, she may say "a long time ago" when I actually know the event happened yesterday.  We're also starting to use adverbs in DuoLingo Chinese, such as "slow" and "fast", and positional words such as "to his left", "behind the restaurant", "at the hospital" etc, but those have not seeped into her language either.  So prepositions, adverbs, conjunctions (also) continue to be mostly missing from her language, but at least adjectives are coming into use. 

 

I'm not sure that would happen just from learning this from DuoLingo.  In fact, she started failing to learn and getting frustrated weeks or a couple months ago because of these new parts of speech coming into the lessons, so I had to start identifying parts of speech with her and talking to her/ asking her about parts of speech.  For example, I had taught her "a noun is a person, place or thing" and that "verbs are action words".  After she says something, I'd say "what's the noun?" and/or "what's the verb" and if she picks the wrong thing, using it in a sentence where it doesn't fit based on past experiences.  So if she says "go" is a noun, I'd say, "Can you give me some 'go'?" and she can tell it's wrong, and similarly is she say "dog" is a verb, I'll say, "Can you 'dog down the hall?" or something like, "I like 'dogging'" and she recognizes immediately from basic sentence patterns that that's new and wrong immediately.  So using the words for and working at identifying parts of speech helped her be able to continue and progress in DuoLingo as the lessons rise to a level beyond her abilities in English.  In a sense, she is starting to speech Chinese better in some respects, than English.

 

As an ABMNM (Anat Baniel Neuromovement) practitioner, I can see how one principle Anat often taught us was similar related variations should help you accomplish the things you struggle at.  I am gambling this will be the case with the Chinese language studies online.  I can't find an English online experience based on learning English this well.  Even DuoLingo doesn't offer basic English, only English based on another language you already know. 

 

Our 200-day goal passed a month or two ago.

 

As someone working with an autistic person aiding their recovery, if you child starts learning and taking interest in learning the same old things (in Anna's case, in nursery rhymes and cartoons) in various languages, consider this could be a way in to helping them develop language.  Anna was interested in German because many kids videos are available in German, but I was not so much.  I know I wanted to be an entrepreneur, for example a planner I'm developing requires finding suppliers for various materials, and would like to feel more confident and comfortable using and communicating with Chinese websites and vendors, so like any homeschooling, I tried to make it a win-win and both try to learn together, by learning Chinese.  Chinese is more logical and easier to learn than English and the romance languages (I know French, Spanish and Latin) which have male and female words - even neutral words like "dog" and "hand" are male or female, and you have to describe things in male and female forms of adjectives, like "grand" and "grande", to match their male and female nouns.  This over-gendered layer makes these languages unnecessarily hard.   Also, Chinese had shorter words and many other reasons it's easier (I can go into more detail if anyone wants me so or perhaps in the future), including there are pictures for all words.  Imagine a word for "home" that's a picture that is memorable and that most of the time looks a little like the word's meaning.  It's an extra layer to remember by.  I'm suggesting those with autistic kids who want to spend time with their kids that's pretty fun and a good habit and contributes to that child speaking better, I say go for it!

Using Anat Baniel Method (ABM) Neuromovement to teach time / position / angles to an autistic person

I'm an Anat Baniel Method® Neuromovement® practitioner with an autistic teenager.  I also so the Son-Rise Program with my daughter as a team leader, but was never certified in that.  I've been writing these blog posts often without posting because I don't have time or prioritize making them pretty with pictures, include both my child and my own growth and development (I have high-functioning autism most likely - never diagnosed) and more brief and elegant, but decided I'm now just going to post so you can see a lot of the data points I'm saving by drafting posts, in the nearly original form - this is one of those.  

 

USING ABM NEUROMOVEMENT "DESK TRAINER" / "NEUROMOVEMENT FOR YOUR BUSY LIFE" 

For the last several weeks I have been use anatbanielmethod.com's "NeuroMovement for Your Busy Life" (formerly known as the "Desk Trainer") series with my daughter -sitting on couches in our family room - more consistently - like every other night (than sporadically, like a few times a month, as I have in the past).  These are short lessons (around 10min) with an animated cartoon character sitting in a chair with pelvis sitting at or above knee level (knees bend at 90 degree angle, or more extended), feet flat on the floor.  

I've been using these lessons as a jumping off point and create variations as we're doing it (and am now offering iPad/ video lesson / coaching, too), and today was trying to clear up the pelvic clock by having her point out with her straight arm in space what direction each of the clock numbers are  using the desk, doing lessons that last something like 10 min) to create lessons for my daughter that help her brain differentiate through the attempt to make certain movements.  Anat is charging something like $40 for access to this series - or was when I got the subscription - because what's great is that's for life and you can keep cycling through the something like 30 lessons, most with both left and right versions (so actually like 60 lessons), and your child may, like mine, be more able to learning because her brain is more awake and prepared to differentiate - aka "learn".  

[FYI - See my next few posts that may be backdated and appear before this one or after (I haven't decided yet) about big leaps in my understanding of how learning IS differentiation and my child isn't (or wasn't) generally open to learning / differentiation (of course, isn't autism defined by aversion to novelty - i.e. avoiding, not taking in or storing new things - i.e. have innate mental resistance to learning due to the condition?)]

 

TEACHING LEFT AND RIGHT POSITIONING TO AN AUTISTIC PERSON USING ABM

I have worked a lot on right vs. left issue in the past.  I tried to find asymmetries on her hand, such as I had a mole on my right hand and that's how I kept them straight at first in primary school, and did find two small moles on her left hand, but that never caught on because you have to point out left then translate that to which is right; it's easier if the right hand has a mark on it, and she doesn't have that (although as I write this, I'm inspired to go back and look again, given its importance).  

So I rely instead lately on her knowing which hand to write with based on her preference plus her experience and practice.  If you ask her "which is your right hand?" she raises her hand half the time (i.e., cannot sense within herself which is which, at least at the speed she's making herself choose - she could probably choose correctly if she paused a minute to decide though - something Ill also try when we do our next lesson, now that I think of that, too).  Whenever she raises the left hand, I ask her to pick up a pencil or marker that's on a table near here, with that hand, and write her name on a piece of paper in a notebook, an before she even starts to write, she now knows it's the wrong hand (she sometimes starts to write, then realizes it's not easy - she can feel the distinction).  

So to help her know and groove in sensing the asymmetry of her right hand is easier to write with due to preference + practice (not that the left couldn't write if necessary, too).  I keep saying, "Right is what you write with", and asking her to write with it, so she hooks up her cognitive concept - left vs. right - with the feeling of relative ease with her right hand vs. her left.

 

TEACHING DIRECTIONS IN SPACE AND HOW TO TELL TIME, BASED ON CLOCK HAND DIRECTIONS 

I am working on her doing the pelvic clock - pretend you're sitting on a clock face and rolling your pelvis toward the front, trying to roll your belly out as distended and loose as possible (12 o'clock), back to touch as much of your tail bone flat to the chair as possible as much to the chair (6 o'clock), and tipping the right side of your pelvis while rolling the left side as far onto it's side on the chair toward 9 o'clock and vice versa for 3 o'clock.  

She was making progress but her rolling forward wasn't that far or clear (meaning there were a lot of extraneous movements), and her side-to-sides seemed to involve more leaning that true tipping the pelvis while remaining centered over your pelvis, which requires the pelvis and shoulder approaching each other on the side you're tipping up (opposite the side you're rolling farther onto and putting more weight onto).  So I started asking her to point to 12, to 3, to 9, to 1, 2 etc and realized she didn't have the clock directions mapped clearly, so how could she roll her pelvis in the correct directions clearly?  

So I had her point to 12, then to 3, then asked her to fill in by pointing to 12 again, then 1, then 2.  She didn't move them enough to be in the right position for 3, which was more like at 1 since her steps were way too small. She also kept bending at the elbow or wrist rather than keeping her arm straight - a constraint of the activity that helps her arm and the torso move together when straight but break apart and lose bearings when bent, so I had to keep reminding her to point with a straight arm.

I had introduced the idea of visualizing you're sitting on a giant clock with 12 noon pointed straight ahead when your head and torso both are pointed straight ahead before in one of our car sessions I did with her years ago, and again when driving in the car on many occasions - especially long-distance drives - when she would say "Look at that cow!" or something else, and I helped her give me clock-inspired directions to get me to look in the right direction briefly so I wouldn't crash my car, such as "Look there's a squirrel at 10 o'clock!"

Today this seemed right to reintroduce, merging it into the pelvic clock part of the lesson I was beefing up and adding to the desk trainer segment, that couldn't go into as much detail as I could as an ABM practitioner.  I pause the video on my laptop and add steps that help build up and deepen the concepts in the videos, which in this case was adding the pointing directions and visualization of the clock on top of the video directions, which assumed the individual actually could visualize and tip the pelvis in the correct directions, which was NOT the case in our developmentally delayed autistic child.  

What I wanted to say was, she was smiling and seemed really happy when we were doing this - I think she was hooking up those past experiences with the present context, and it for sure was making positioning directions relative to her body, clearer.  

The points I wanted to make in this post were:

1. It's really useful to make the body participate in cognitive concepts.  Similar to my teaching my daughter to understand counting through stepping, regular counting on fingers but involving movement of the arm at the elbow (finger movements alone were poorly differentiated if pumping at the elbow wasn't included in the movements, then became differentiated after we did count this way), directions relative to the body is our first sense of direction and orientation, so why not learn any positional concept through body movement, such as arms being the clock arms?
2. the Anat Baniel Desk trainer series at anatbanielmethod.com is a really handy source of sitting lessons you can do with your kids and yourself, esp your autistic or otherwise developmentally delayed kids. It's pretty self-explanatory for new people and is designed for the general public.
3. I realized I can teach these lessons by internet conference call with a phone, tablet or laptop open!  If I can observe you and you can observe me, I can do the lesson with you and pause the video and add intermediate movements you may need when you're not getting something, or make comments addressing what people are doing at home.  While I cannot actually do hands-on work unless you're in Milwaukee WI or in one of the select cities I visit, such as Cleveland OH, Chicago IL, or a few others, I can see what you're doing and offer customized movement suggestions and comment, feedback, demonstrate, etc., and can do this with your autistic child and you both there as I'm doing for myself and my child, or just for individuals, couples or groups. 
4. You get smarter while helping your child connect and get smarter too!  ABM helps all levels of people, and all participants, whether you're the child or the person leading the child through the movement lesson.  I have had a variety of insights and ideas of how to do what I have done for years one way, better and move efficiently, just pop out effortlessly, within 1-10 days after doing lessons, and I have to keep asking myself why I didn't think of that before.  (I'm also following the Medical Medium's celery juice every morning, reducing fat, eating more vegetables and fruits, eliminating chemical contaminants and "frankenfoods", and eliminating foods that stimulate chronic viruses - dairy, eggs, gluten - so ti be fair it may be either or both that cause the improvement - see another post to follow about this).  

Contact me if you want more information about how to start incorporating Anat Baniel Method into your autistic child's recovery plan, to help with your child's cognitive development at any level of ability, or to increase your own cognitive abilities, reduce risk of injury and improve your athletic and other movements, and youthfulness as I am, too, while helping your autistic child.

"Flying Trapeze" song, Anna does amazing walking on trapeze straight, heel-to-toe on the lines in the floor, despite having legs out to the side for the last decade or more!

I've been doing ABMN lessons (Anat Baniel Method® Neuromovement®) consistently now for about 2 weeks, after doing lessons only inconsistently before, and getting more progress from the inside out from her, as well as coming up with some really inventive and useful lessons for and with her on-the-fly.  

Our daughter has giant problems putting her legs near each other after years of begging, ordering, coaxing, etc..  It's part of the mental scars of her autism in combination with crippling pain from inflammatory bowel disease (IBD) that has gotten all screwed up in her brain and we cannot convince her otherwise.  When she used to cross her legs for years when she wouldn't poop more often than once every 7-10 days and it was just torture to see her suffer but resist pooping that would end it (when she eventually did, she felt great and we were always al relieved, and then the horrible descent into madness of her fighting pooping and us fighting her began again...)  Now that I've cured her IBD (I need to finish writing the book, I know, about it, or make a video anyway - contact me if you want me to do so - i.e. if you'd actually buy it if I do, at barb@autismcoaches.com), there is no reason she couldn't walk normally, but she's saying now that she's afraid if she doesn't have them widely spaced apart, she is going to have trouble pooping and potentially have it all get super painful and backed up again.  It's crazy, and I go crazy trying to get her to change about it and she won't.  she has injured her feet and toes banging them on corners and walls all over our house and has gotten her feet kicked and stepped on in the kitchen because they stick out so far its hard not to hit or impact them, yet no willingness on her part to change.  I have some video I'll post at how oddly she walks - swinging her pelvis circularly around her body rather than a true swinging gate, with her legs frozen out to the side of her hips. 

I have tried many exercises that include crossing the midline and she absolutely won't do it, but today I was measuring the width an length of a variety of spaces in our apartment gym area, and tried to encourage her to do so - autistic people love repetition with some slight point to it.  and shockingly, she joined in, putting heel to toe, measuring by feet (my feet and hers are about a foot long with the shoes on).  This was like the police making you walk a straight line to tell if you're drunk - walking on the seam in the flooring in the athletic are of our gym in both directions, then we measured the large deck the same way, having her put heel to toe - one foot in line with the prior one, and counting.  I have NEVER been able to convince her to walk in a straight line, even close to it, and today she was walking in a focused and diligent way for hundreds of steps!  

I also noticed some cognitive improvements, such as she said "recently" in a sentence unprompted, and a few super subtle but clear as a bell spontaneous modifications to her thinking today.  We've mostly been doing Anat's "Desk Trainer" series of 5-10 minute lessons designed to be doable while in a chair at work, and have modified and adjusted the timing and content since I - being an ABMNM practitioner, can see opportunities and areas she may need to slow down and work on, such as pausing the video (at anatbaniel method.com) and having her work on rounding and arching on the "pelvic clock", picturing the 12 a the front and 6 at the back.  

I finally REALLY ACCEPTED Anat's statement, "if she would, she could" and stopped trying to get her to do more differentiated speech if she was not progressing, and going back to basics of the brain managing the body's larger areas better, and only then being able to refine already refined movements such as cognition around language, when she can't manage her pelvis and ordinary gross movements well at all.  Knowing that if I don't help her brain get more differentiated, all the arguments around how her having her get hip problems later, hurting herself, etc. - I might as well be telling an infant how to drive - it just has nowhere to land.

So today as we were walking variously holding hands on those lines as I sang "He moves through the air, with the greatest of ease, the daring young man on the flying trapeze, his actions are graceful all the girls he does please, and my love he has stolen away!" and Anna was happily walking around on a straight line all over the deck it was like a miracle!

I then led her to the high-edged planter boxes and we leaned on it and lifted our legs in space, and I directed her into variations with straight and bent lifted leg, then folded leg trying the reach around us behind us, then holding to the side and listing the opposite leg and seeing how close each hand vs. lifted leg met up, noticing differences between sides, all variations and distinctions that feel the brain and give it choices. 

I'm really embracing and integrating ABMNM lessons with her and hope to bring those who follow my posts videos of us doing lessons at home that you can try at home!  

Plus it's making me more mentally focused and organized!  Thats for another post...

(Contact me at barb@powerofclarity.com if you want to try ABMNM lessons remotely!)

Decoding Autistic Kids' Confusing Inner Emotional Conflict - ask questions

INNER EMOTIONAL CONFLICT IN AUTISTIC KIDS IS VERY CONFUSING & REQUIRES DECODING

Yesterday (TU 5/21/19):

I said I would make pasta and sauce.

my daughter said she couldn't eat with sauce because we were out of parmesan cheese and it was too late for us to get it before dinner (implying she didn't want it with sauce if there was no parmesan cheese on it, too).  

I said, maybe you can try another cheese (since we have several in the refrigerator) like feta or cheddar.  

This set off what was about an hour of severe upset and argument from my daughter that nothing I could say about the feta would quell.  

She likes to have it with butter (if there's no parmesan cheese / sauce).  Acknowledging this didn't stop her upset. 

She said she doesn't like feta on pasta. Acknowledging this didn't stop her upset.

Remembering that one time I tried to melt feta and it didn't melt well and now that I recalled that, agreeing with her, didn't stop her upset.

She started telling me this was like the youtube video of the "Paz" cartoon where the penguin, "Paz" and his friends were on an easter egg hunt and one of the "cheated" and how the other one was being a bully.  

I kept asking her how this related and what was going on in the story so I'd have any idea what she was saying.  She couldn't say -

• was I being a bully? was she?  
• Why is she acting out and referencing that cartoon right now?  
• If they're angry and upset, why are you bringing that into our house?  Why not just stop watching it and not acting like them?

t asked her to play the video and noone was being a bully:  

• the rabbit admitted to taking the penguin's easter eggs and apologized.  
• Paz said, "I knew it!" with angry furrowed brows for just a second, then accepted the apology and they were friends again.  

I couldn't see the relevance and why she seemed bent on referencing disagreement among cartoon characters when there was no conflict over her not eating feta.  Her upset kept going.  

• "Why weren't you listening to me when I said I didn't want feta on my pasta?"  but I had and I did and it was already understood.
• "Fine I won't watch cartoons ever again!".  I hadn't said that or asked that (I did say it would be better to watch shows about real stuff, thinking cartoons lack the richness of reality, thought)
• "You cheated.  We're breaking up"  What?  Anna, cheating and breaking up is when people are loving each other, having babies, etc and then decide to leave each other - we're just mom and daughter. we're just having a disagreement, I'm not going to leave you.
• She used words like "inappropriate" about what I had to say about pasta, about bread, etc. as she's confused by the mixture of dietary advice from everyone, often mutually conflicting and came up when I said we could eat this wheat pasta rather than going to whole foods where she was going to get pizza and whole wheat french bread. She was upset saying she couldn't eat it because it had gluten and carbs and sugars in it, and I pointed out that she eats this every day in the form of bread and there's not much difference.  (More on dietary conflict of advice in a future blog.)

My son and I both were trying to prepare dinner while this crazy, confusing conversation over something that should have taken 15 seconds turned into confusing statements relating to that cartoon, my behavior being "inappropriate", that I wasn't listening, restating over and over that she didn't want to eat feta cheese as if I was trying to force it on her and hadn't listened.  I even tried reverse psychology and said twice, I absolutely insist on you eating feta cheese on your pasta!  And it didn't make sense to her and not much came of it.  

She kept calling me a bully and I said, that's not being a bully.  She was confusing the word "bully" with other terms.  I acted out that being a bully in this case would be to grab her shirt and say "You HAVE to eat that feta! I'm forcing you!" and acted it out, then said, that's what bullying would be in this case, and she didn't stop her upset angry diatribe. 

Finally, my son remembered that in the past when Anna's been upset with something someone who works with her said or did, she doesn't tell what's really upsetting her so the conversation goes over and over the same lines and gestures.  I keep asking questions to unravel her pattern and help her and me understand what's going on.  I keep using my Option Process Mentor skills, asking questions like - 

• why are you saying this again, when we've already agreed on ___ (settled this)?  
• Why did you yell when you said that?
• Why are you telling me I'm not listening when I keep looking at you and responding to what you say?  etc.
• Why are you saying the penguin in the cartoon is being a bully when he just was upset and didn't force anyone to do anything?  

Sometimes hours after this circular argument tantrum loop starts - I remember an epic one of these when she was upset and in a circular argument with me for 3-6 hours - I'll as a question like "Is there something else that's bothering you?" "Is there something you're not saying that's upsetting you?" or "What's going on, Anna?" and suddenly will discover it has something else at its heart, about something someone has done, that she's afraid to say.  

My son paused and suggested we do this - ask more directively, like "Are you upset about what someone did in the playroom?" Usually there's just silence or "yes" and we ask more directive questions, like "is it something _[insert person's name]_ did?"  In this case we asked this and she said yes, and then I asked what.  She mentioned that person in the playroom, judging her, not being enthusiastic, not asking any questions, etc.    

I told her how proud I was of her figuring out what was bothering her and this set off multiple rounds of her feeling bad about her attacking me over the feta and apologizing. I kept telling her how it was a challenge but we succeeded and figure it out and to focus on the win in it ("Celebrate all wins!" is a favorite household quote), rather than the upsetting nature of the challenge part.  I explained the "cup half empty vs. cup half full" by physically filling a cup halfway and all, but nothing seemed to stop her negative loop about herself.

Finally I thought, maybe there's another of the same problem.  I asked, was it about someone else in her program?  Then I asked the names of each person.  Was it how _[fill in participant name]_ acted?  Was it _[other participant]_? etc.  I found out there was another person who was a problem as well, but again, needed to make assumptions and ask direct questions about people.  

We were so happy and got along great after that. I was pointing out new words like being "authentic" and "honest" and how it felt good to be that was vs. how crazy and upset it was making her to hold in what she really meant, and how it was hurting our relationship.  

She and perhaps other autistic kids may feel afraid to tell others what they want, feedback on how they're asking, and to ask for what they want from them as far as how whey want to be treated.  I was telling her she need to tell those people what she wants and ask helpful Option Process Dialogue questions such as, "Why aren't you enthusiastic when I say that?  You aren't having fun the way I like while I'm learning - how can we change that so I can enjoy my session more and learn more?" etc. 

We discovered in past instances of these crazy argument loops that there's no resolution until you figure out the problem, and then guide your child how to get to the point next time, pointing out how bad they felt and how bad things went when they suppressed their true experience, issue and feelings.  As much as I'm upset by the craziness of that experience, I'm so thankful for my son being a witness and help to reassure me of my sanity in the face of insanity, and actually help my daughter get to the point of learning positive mental health habits of not being manipulated by fear or taking out upset at one person on another, particularly your biggest cheerleader, coach, supporter and only unpaid best friend, in this case, your mom!  Like her I encourage you like I did myself to focus on the glass half full, not the hour or two spent intermittently distressed.

Finally, note that autistic people may be prone to being abused because of their fear to ask for what they want, fear or suppression to discuss bad experience with others, and dependency on someone else.  I'm aware as her mother that she needs me and often warn her that she needs to learn whatever it is I'm teaching as far as skills or how the world works, to take care of herself otherwise someone could bully her because she'll need their help.  I warn my son about the need for independence so as not to be bullied by anyone, either.  Poll your autistic child often about how people are acting - i've often found out after people leave, how badly they've acted behind my back knowing I wasn't looking.  

Ask your child to rate their performance on a scale of 10 where the people you now they love best are 10s and people they want to leave / worst 0 - you may be surprised how easily they grasp this and what you discover. Use the scale on other things like favorite foods or activities first so they can understand it regarding people, or just put people they didn't like much low on your scale and see if they get it watching you rate people's performance, too.

Best wishes!  Thanks for reading!!  and please share...

 

PS - I have been an Option Process Mentor and can do "Option Process Dialogues", but my certification has lapsed as of this date.  I can help support you as a parent with an autistic child that is going through confusing and upsetting experiences due to my experiences with my child, this training, and also my Anat Baniel Method® Neuromovement® Practitioner mindset.  Contact me at barb@powerofclarity.com or barb@autismcoaches.com for more info.  Thanks!

More signs of Anna's on-going recovery from autism to "normal" (if there is one)

 Anna's becoming more cognitively and socially sophisticated in little steps.  For example:

Fall 2017 (Sept/ Oct/ Nov) on-going:  Inner Conflict Expressed

Anna started having inner conflict expressed outwardly, like you're listening to the character Hamlet going back and forth whether or not to do something.   It started when she started copying the father in a youtube video telling his daughter she can't get a toy (and is pretty deprecating of her interest in it which I don't like).  After many retellings of this somewhat distasteful video, she starts quoting it when she's deciding not to buy something, like deciding not to buy fritos because she says they it made her sick once.  It's often there's discomfort around the issue, like she's saying it over and over rather than just walking by the thing, she'll bring up not buying something 20 times, asking what I think of it, what she thinks of it, etc. 

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Our 2017 Christmas tree is graced by four Beanie Babies Anna earned through my "Learn to Earn" program, that encourages the cycle of "want, work, get" that productive people have, while motivating her to learn things she otherwise doesn't feel interested in or value, like my "Say What you See" program, which has successfully shifted her mental patterns to be more attentive and mentally present.

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Week of Dec 1-10, 2017:  Long look / Glad to Make Eye Contact

Anna, looks at Maya for a few seconds (a long time, for her). 

Maya: "What are you looking at?"

Anna: "I'm glad I'm making eye contact!"

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12/19/2017 Expressing sympathy/empathy:

S. "I'm not looking forward to visiting my father's house that much for the holidays, I usually get sick there"

A "Sorry."

S"What are you sorry about?"

A "I'm just sorry you have to go through [or deal with] that; it sounds difficult."

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All this last week - Super Flexible for Car-Shopping Marathon:

Super Flexible and reasonable about new environments, demands on her time, and activities: We've been looking at cars - new, used, etc. and dragging Anna and her brother along with me (they're not enthused!) to have them have some real experiences doing something that's hard and takes a while.  She's been going in and out of dealerships and new cars, one after the other, all half an hour from home and/or from each other, for 4-8 hours a day for several days, in temperatures averaging around 5 degrees F, largely in the dark, since it was dark at around 5 here this time of year.  She was flexible, walked at my request into the new dealerships, sat in cars I was looking at, buckled up for test drives, etc. like she was normal.  This is nearly unimaginable in our pre-Son-Rise period.  

(The one exception:  the one day we shopped for 8 hours straight (with about a 15 min dinner break), she got into one of those new "inner conflict, expressed" loops when I asked her if she wanted to eat a snack at a dealership, where they had apples and oranges, ships, juice, candy and granola bars, etc.  She was saying she didn't want to get "fat", something she says my sister had brought up, and she was in conflict because I think she was hungry but felt she shouldn't eat, and we heard many cycles of that before arriving home for dinner.  See above paragraph about how this stage represents progress, as well, despite it being really confusing and taking work for her to express why she keeps repeating it.) 

My "Say what you see" activity is paying off - she sees and says things now without prompting, like normal kids, more often:  As we were on our car-shopping marathon, and all last week, she would call out what she saw to my attention like normal kids, something the nearly never did prior to my introducing "say what you see" (in exchange for money payoff) to my Son-Rise Program. For example, she even initiated "say what you see" for money at the Nissan dealership - she was like, "Can I do 'Say what you see?'" and just started doing it, coming up with 20 things rapidly.  She also would call out things she saw as we were driving, like "I see Walmart!" and "There's a Target!" etc. 

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12/31/17 Uses the word "obsessed" properly - an abstract term compared with usual "like/love"

A: "I'm obsessed with bread on butter".  ["obsessed" is such a sophisticated concept and one I haven't used often or explained, or heard her use before, and moreover applied to her self-identity]

Barb (me): why / what do you mean? 

A: "I like it better than olive oil and coconut oil."

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1/1/18 Today my daughter can finally alphabetize on site, as ABM Neuromovement® awareness and techniques added to my daughter my daughter finally help her "get" cognitive tasks

During "school" where I was having her figure out the alphabetical order of 3 words, I realized she wasn't in an orderly algorithmic way eyeing each letter as she determined which came next, which resulted in mistakes, so I have her touch each word as she went through the alphabet which is how I think we all do it only we forget how because we're so fast and grooved at it.  (Note how here, my Anat Baniel Method® Neuromovement® comes in handy: realizing she can't alphabetize - a "cognitive" task - because she doesn't make orderly movement, so by doing the movement as an algorithm, she is able to suddenly do this cognitive task). By the end of the page she looked at a list of 3 words and instantly figured out which came first because the algorithm worked consistently!  She didn't have to do it slow and stepwise but the algorithm got her there and made it "automatic".  Every time she needs to alphabetize I have her do it the long, slow way to groove the letter order in as she moves over the letter list, encountering letters in the order as she moved across it, and it's now rapid like those of us who are older and fully capable of alphabetizing without reading each letter.

This is also huge because Anna is creating a linear representation of the alphabet in her mind, something I've identified as a key deficit in autistic people including myself.  We have fragmented minds much like the eyes of a fly - we have many pockets of interest, skill, etc. that don't coordinate and come together as easily as normal people do, into one self with one focus, at least in my opinion.  The extent to which we can grow a mental backbone, like the internet backbone - in our brains that is the way we track time lines in our life, alphabets, counting, etc. along a single linear stream - and which helps unify our minds and gives birth to our sense of who we are as a single powerful force, begins with linearizing anything which the brain can use as a mental construct to linearize other things.  I'm so excited this is paying off with my daughter's ability to linearize and index the alphabet in a myelinated (durable) mental module is exciting!  

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1/1/18 (today) uses the word "obsessed" again, appropriately, in a new sentence

"Hey, Mom, I keep being obsessed with My Little Pony...How do you feel that I'm obsessed with My Little Pony."  

Other recent developments

Water aerobics classes pay off big

All fall/winter Anna and I go to water aerobics at once a week and more if our morning person is out, which has been a lot lately.  Anna is excited to meet and remember people from class to class, who have nearly all been really friendly and welcoming to us both.   She's getting better at introducing herself and looks forward to it as part of our Son-Rise® / Anat Baniel Method® Neuromovement® ("ABMN") program.  

I do ABMN lessons with her, effectively, in the nearly weightless environment of the pool, as she attempts to but often inaccurately attempts the movements of the class.  I help her move more efficiently and correct movements that instructors do that create unnecessary and non-typical distortions of the body, like not trying to move our arms around underwater with "weights" that we have to tense up to keep underwater, which isn't conducive to subtle movements.

I have also done mini-ABMN lessons on several people in the pool, and one of them reported going all week without falls, compared to her more typical history of falling multiple times each week, so it's been a fun way to introduce people to my ABMN practice here in Milwaukee.  I'm thinking of doing a swim class for autistic or otherwise developmentally kids in the pool. Message me if you're interested in participating.

 

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Our basic logo I created in Adobe Illustrator.  Ah, the power of understanding how to use software to publish your vision.  So glad I did that workbook on Illustrator!  

 

I'm most of the way through to getting my autism recovery reality show "Autism Commandos(™)" ready to go and through the trademark process so I can openly use the name (a big relief).  I'm going to be visiting people's homes with my crew and providing autism therapy and parental/ family/ friend/ care-giver /teacher coaching for free to families who are willing to allow us to use the footage in our show which will be for web and TV.  Unfortunately the TV station I was working with ran out of funds and went out of business, so I now need to buy or rent the professional video camera, which is delaying the start another few weeks while I save up (after holiday expenditures) to buy a great camera and rig for the person holding it.  We'll be able to do sessions within a few hours driving distance of Milwaukee, WI (includes Chicago IL) and further locations more sporadically, such as San Rafael / San Francisco CA area in March, Cleveland OH quarterly, and other locations as long as we have interest in that area.  

Contact us at casting@autismcommandos.com with your story and situation with your autistic child, situation you most want addressed, in a brief single paragraph, half a page long.  Call Autism Power Coaches LLC (the company that owns the show) at 866-MY-COACH (866-692-6224) for more info. 

 

You can book time directly at our booking site at Power of Clarity | Autism Power Coaches & Autism Commandos booking site

 

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I'm upset I'm not further through other projects I'm working on, including creating a booking platform that has 2-way syncing with google calendar for myself and other Option Process® Mentor-Counselors ("Dialogue Mentor").  I wanted to develop the site myself but am making myself use third party software first to know my competition.

Anyone who is a Dialogue Mentor, contact me to be added to the booking site if you'd like.  I'm including a link to book directly for dialogues here, while I'm still working on the actual mentor site.  You can offer hours any time of day and people have to pay to book sessions.  You'd be working as independent contractors for Power of Clarity® LLC, my mentor / movement lesson company, where you'd be doing the mentor part (unless you're here in Milwaukee WI area and want to book movement lessons, too, as an Anat Baniel Method® Neuromovement® practitioner, which we also offer.  

Book Power of Clarity | Autism Power Coaches & Autism Commandos booking site

Gotto go - best wishes to my readers!  Message me if there are any questions you want me to answer in the blog and good luck to those on their own journeys out of autism and to those helping them. : )